Still Alive & Kickin (sorta)
I'm curious what age you actually start to feel like an adult. Because as of right now, I still get overwhelmed walking into Costco by myself, I congratulate myself after each week of 40+ hours of work just for making it, and I feel the need to take a picture of every "big girl" meal (aka anything other than mac and cheese or a microwave dinner) I eat.
Whenever I thought about the day that I would move out and start paying all of my own bills, I figured that I would at least feel like I'm at the stage that I'm supposed to be doing it. But all I feel right now is annoyed, a tinge of nostalgia, and tired. So, so tired. Oh, and also broke. (THAT IS APPARENTLY A FEELING.) And instead of feeling older, I feel lost. I'm just being real here. I guess every new stage of life is probably going to feel this way because you don't understand what it will feel like until you're actually feeling it. I'm also learning that life is not so complicated if you actually take the time to manage all of your time, but because I haven't managed my time, I don't have time to manage my time...
But there are a few pieces of adult life that I was warned about that have rung true :
1) Your friends in high school really aren't going to matter that much after graduation. Sure, you'll keep up with what huge things they're doing with their life on social media if you continue to follow them (which is another thing - it doesn't feel necessary to continue to follow people that I don't really keep in touch with sometimes... definitely not as much as it used to). Other than that, though, you're going to find new friends, and that's okay. It doesn't hurt. It feels natural. And a lot of times, (most times), you are going to find people that you get along with a lot better. All of a sudden, your choices for friends include more than the ten people exactly your age that happen to do a few of the same extracurricular activities.
2) You're going to miss your mom. Wow. This is the realest piece of advice. I guess it's not the same for everyone depending on the relationship, but for me, that's really really hard. My mom would joke that I just miss her wallet (which let's be real, I miss that), but truly I just miss her. If you're lonely in your own home, you could just go downstairs and at least be in the same room with someone you're totally comfortable with and could talk to about anything. Now, I have to drive 10+ hours to just be in the same room as her. I know I had to deal with that when I was away in Australia, but this just seems different. More permanent. That can be a difficult word sometimes.
3) You're going to miss... YOUR SIBLING. This obviously is just something you probably hear when you and your sibling are yelling at each other and your mom is just throwing in some oh so very helpful motherly comments if you're like me. And it's true. I miss Haven. I have felt a parental protection for her ever since I was like 12, so not only do I miss her weird little personality, but I feel like I'm missing my baby's big life moments. I wish so badly I was there to hear her middle school drama and talk her through it and at every recital that she solos in and to poke her when she's super sore from long dance practices - but I can't be. Now it's easier to think about cherishing moments when I'm with her, though.
4) And finally, your metabolism isn't what it used to be. I'm not exactly sure if it's my metabolism or the fact that mac and cheese and espresso are my main sources of nutrition, but I actually have to work out now to stay fit. It's also fun paying for a gym membership. And it's a bit hard to bring Tanner to my gym, even though I have unlimited free guests because at Planet Fitness, because there's a "Lunk Alarm" if you like are acting body-builder-ish and, ... look at Tanner. So he has to reel it in if he's tagging along.
But yeah - that's my life right now. Not actually sure if anyone reads these but it forces me to keep my mind moving as I'm waiting for my college to start in the spring so here it is.
Which reminds me! I got approved to get in-state tuition at Helena College - University of Montana, so that's where I'll be in the spring! And FAFSA is helpful when your dad has refused to get a job the past couple years so that has been some great great news!! Full time job, part time job, online college, HERE I COME.
Whenever I thought about the day that I would move out and start paying all of my own bills, I figured that I would at least feel like I'm at the stage that I'm supposed to be doing it. But all I feel right now is annoyed, a tinge of nostalgia, and tired. So, so tired. Oh, and also broke. (THAT IS APPARENTLY A FEELING.) And instead of feeling older, I feel lost. I'm just being real here. I guess every new stage of life is probably going to feel this way because you don't understand what it will feel like until you're actually feeling it. I'm also learning that life is not so complicated if you actually take the time to manage all of your time, but because I haven't managed my time, I don't have time to manage my time...
But there are a few pieces of adult life that I was warned about that have rung true :
1) Your friends in high school really aren't going to matter that much after graduation. Sure, you'll keep up with what huge things they're doing with their life on social media if you continue to follow them (which is another thing - it doesn't feel necessary to continue to follow people that I don't really keep in touch with sometimes... definitely not as much as it used to). Other than that, though, you're going to find new friends, and that's okay. It doesn't hurt. It feels natural. And a lot of times, (most times), you are going to find people that you get along with a lot better. All of a sudden, your choices for friends include more than the ten people exactly your age that happen to do a few of the same extracurricular activities.
2) You're going to miss your mom. Wow. This is the realest piece of advice. I guess it's not the same for everyone depending on the relationship, but for me, that's really really hard. My mom would joke that I just miss her wallet (which let's be real, I miss that), but truly I just miss her. If you're lonely in your own home, you could just go downstairs and at least be in the same room with someone you're totally comfortable with and could talk to about anything. Now, I have to drive 10+ hours to just be in the same room as her. I know I had to deal with that when I was away in Australia, but this just seems different. More permanent. That can be a difficult word sometimes.
4) And finally, your metabolism isn't what it used to be. I'm not exactly sure if it's my metabolism or the fact that mac and cheese and espresso are my main sources of nutrition, but I actually have to work out now to stay fit. It's also fun paying for a gym membership. And it's a bit hard to bring Tanner to my gym, even though I have unlimited free guests because at Planet Fitness, because there's a "Lunk Alarm" if you like are acting body-builder-ish and, ... look at Tanner. So he has to reel it in if he's tagging along.
But yeah - that's my life right now. Not actually sure if anyone reads these but it forces me to keep my mind moving as I'm waiting for my college to start in the spring so here it is.
Which reminds me! I got approved to get in-state tuition at Helena College - University of Montana, so that's where I'll be in the spring! And FAFSA is helpful when your dad has refused to get a job the past couple years so that has been some great great news!! Full time job, part time job, online college, HERE I COME.
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